


It should have been us.

by SlytherinsInSpace



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, POV Varric, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinsInSpace/pseuds/SlytherinsInSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric tells the story of the one that got away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It should have been us.

We met first, that day in Hightown when that ridiculous thief tried to rob you for all you had. 

It wasn't much at the time, but at that point, every bit counted. 

I knew that day that I loved you. 

Nobody has ever gotten me like you, it was apparent from the first moment you spoke. 

Kind eyes. 

Kinder heart. 

I didn't tell you then. 

Life got in the way, funding the expedition, purging Lowtown of the scum that hunted innocents in the night. 

Important stuff. 

I wish that I’d said something now.

You know, sometimes I lie in bed staring at the rickety ceilings of the Hanged Man, wondering what would have happened if we’d just never met any of the others.

never been graced with Fenris’ always cheery personality. 

Never approached Isabella in the tavern that night.

If I’d never introduced you to Anders. 

Anders. 

How easy my life would have been had we not needed those blighted maps. 

Had we never met that blighted gray warden. 

had you never met him. 

You were enthralled from the first moment. The bright flicker of danger barely concealed under his flesh. 

His very presence had screamed magic. 

and you ran in head first. 

I didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. 

but then, I was too worried about getting this expedition finished with. 

The family vault was running dangerously low on funds and it was all Bartrond would ever let me hear. 

I was sure it would end in a fling at the most. 

There would still be time. 

Later. 

After all nobody understands you like I do. 

After the deep roads, things got worse instead of better. 

Bartrond fucked me over once again, cant really say I was too surprised. 

Hurt though. 

We got closer in those years. 

But so did the two of you. 

Not really at the forefront, but always there, for anyone to see. 

Especially if they watched like I did. 

Lingering touches. 

Fleeting smiles. 

Everything I’d dreamed of. 

Just... 

Not with me. 

It slipped my mind for a while after everything that happened at Bartrond’s estate. 

I wanted to hate him for everything he had done to me. 

but he was the only family I had left. 

I hated you for being right about letting him go. 

but mostly I hated Blondie for making him my brother again, even just for a second. A monster i could kill. 

But my brother- I guess fratricide comes more naturally to some of us than others. 

The problem is, as much as I wanted to, As hard as I tried to hate Anders. I couldn't. 

He was just such a good guy. 

And it fucking sucked. 

He stole you. 

He made you laugh, when I should have. 

Smile, when I couldn't. 

And I had every reason to hate him. 

But I didn’t. 

It was Isabella who mentioned it first.

Not that I wouldn't have noticed, But I appreciated not being blindsided. 

“ I hear Hawke and Anders made it official last night.” she had told me, sliding another pint across the table. 

I remember feeling my heart fall into the pit of my stomach. 

I drained the pint. 

Then another. 

Then another. 

And another before speaking. 

“I’m Happy for them.” I said. 

I wasn't. 

She gave me a look, like I was a sad puppy and bought me another drink. 

“I’m sorry.” she had said. 

Always perceptive that girl was. 

It was torture those next few weeks. 

Watching your hands twine. 

Your lips touch. 

I wanted to vomit. 

But I carried on,. 

Spinning stories, cleaning Bianca, and if I drank a bit more than usual, well nobody needed to know. 

We had to talk about it eventually, I knew that. 

I even surprised myself by how civil I was being. 

It hurt when you told me you were sure. 

so sure. 

That you loved him. 

My heart shattered that day. 

But it wasn't until after your mother was murdered that I knew whatever chance I might have had was truly gone. 

If I’d even had one. 

I hadn’t ever seen you so broken. 

and there he was. 

Holding you. 

Telling you everything you needed to hear. 

Making it better. 

Not okay. 

But better. 

That’s when I knew that you two were a beautiful disaster. 

I couldn't have stopped it no matter what I’d done. 

It hurt. 

But that moment I knew that he was what you needed. 

And even though it broke my heart. That was the day I swore to myself I’d never say those words. 

Never tell you that since the day we met I’d loved you with all I had. 

No. 

It could have been us. 

Should have been us Hawke, 

But it just wasn’t meant to be.


End file.
